Desire Needs a Runway

Why spontaneous sex is a myth - and what to do instead.

Here's the lie we all believed: that good sex should be spontaneous. That if you have to plan it, schedule it, or build toward it, something's wrong.

Nothing's wrong. You just have kids and jobs and a mortgage and a dog that needs to go out at 6 AM.

Desire doesn't die in long marriages. It just needs a longer runway.

A text at noon: "Thinking about last Thursday." A candle lit before bed that means something. A drawer that has something in it besides socks. These aren't substitutes for spontaneity - they're the architecture of anticipation.

The couples who keep wanting each other aren't the ones who "still have it." They're the ones who build the runway every single day.

- Maren & Beckett